Artist, Choklit Daddy (right), and his husband,Greg, met at a Glee Club audition at UCLA in 1975. They have been together almost 37 years and are legally married.
Will O. Tyler of Carabosse Comics (right) and his partner, David, met on the Metro in Washington, D.C. and have been together 12 years as registered domestic partners.
|Everyone should have someone they can be silly with.|
Patrick Fillion (left) and Robert Fraser of Class Comics were introduced through a straight friend of Fraser's. Last year they celebrated their 10th anniversary by getting married.
Here's how they separately answered some of the questions I asked them...
How long did you date before you were "officially" a couple?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "We were buddies for about six months (I thought Greg was straight at first; then I thought he was bi-curious). Then one night, he kissed me, sucked my dick a little bit. I have been his ever since."
GREG: "About three months."
WILL: "I think we heavily dated for about a year before making it official, but now we just look back at it being official the entire time."
DAVID: "It just happened so I can’t say for sure. Maybe a few months?"
PATRICK: "Not long! We knew pretty much right away that we belonged together."
FRASER: "6 hours."
How and When did you know you were in live with your partner?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "As I remember it, I was in love with him after that first kiss."
GREG: "I knew I was in love when I couldn’t leave him after graduating from UCLA in June 1976."
WILL: "I’m not sure I can pinpoint an exact moment. It just was."
DAVID: "From the beginning. I felt an instant connection."
PATRICK: "It didn't take me long to figure that out either. I don't remember the exact moment I realized I loved him, but I know it was relatively soon after we started dating. I dunno if this is cheesy or not, but I told him I loved him in bed after we'd just finished fooling around. LOL! Good timing? Bad timing? Who's to say – but it felt right to me, so I told him. LOL!"
FRASER: "When my chocolate lab stole his pancakes right off his plate and he didn't mind. (Or pretended not to.)"
How do you keep your love fresh?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "It hasn't always kept fresh (which makes love sound rather like a box of saltines). There have been ebbs and flows, on both sides. I still fall in love with him."
GREG: "We express physical affection multiple times daily."
WILL: "Every now and then we do something without planning. Going for random drives to nowhere is great for re-bonding."
DAVID: "I don’t feel like it isn’t fresh. It just is."
PATRICK: "We don't generally have to work at keeping things “fresh”. We love having fun together. We make each other laugh a lot and we keep things from getting stale by being playful, creative and inventive with one another. It's worked really well all this time, and I can't see it not working. We have a lot of love for one another, but we also have a lot of trust and respect. I think that these are all key ingredients to keeping things fresh, fun and exciting."
FRASER: "I don't think that we've actually 'worked on' this yet... it just still is. Maybe our love is kept fresh because we're always doing something different. Ask us in another 10 years."
What has been the most challenging thing to accept about your partner during your time together?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "He dated other men for a while, basically told me he was going to do it and did so, quite without regard to my feelings. It was one of the biggest hurts of my entire life; and it took some time to get over it."
GREG: "His disinterest in financial matters."
WILL: "David is a sagittarious who likes to explore while I’m a leo who wants all the attention. That doesn’t always mesh! Haha"
DAVID: "Participation in house duties."
PATRICK: "How loudly he sneezes and how many times he sneezes in a row! LOL! That's pretty much it! XD"
FRASER: "The Fillion fire! Maybe it's the French side of him, but driving, moving furniture, and poor craftsmanship sure set him off!"
What is the easiest thing to love about your partner?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "His admiration for me – my looks, my talents. He thinks I'm pretty wonderful and he doesn't mind telling me or others that he does."
GREG: "His trust in me."
WILL: "He is always himself. He will do whatever he wants, wear whatever he wants, and go wherever he wants without feeling uncomfortable and unashamed."
DAVID: "His artistic tendencies and easygoing attitude."
PATRICK: "He's very kind and considerate. Those are some of the qualities I love about him the most."
FRASER: "EVERYTHING! I even love the Fillion Fire!"
What famous love story would you describe your relationship to be most like?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "I was going to say 'Krazy Kat and Ignatz' – he keeps throwing bricks at my head and I keep falling down with little hearts twinkling around my head, whispering, 'Lil angel …' But honestly, I can't think of one: most famous love stories are brief and end tragically."
GREG: "Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner"
WILL: "Well, clearly we are Donald and Daisy Duck. Now which is which?"
DAVID: "I don’t pay attention to love stories in general so I don’t know what I would compare it to."
PATRICK: "That's an interesting question. We make a true team, Fraser and I. I really believe we have the ultimate 'team-work' going between the both of us, both in life/love and in work. As for the 'famous love story' I'd compare us to... I dunno. Maybe the Reed Richards and Sue Storm – you know, if Sue were a guy! LOL! See, when one of us gets emotional, the other remains cool and level headed. And when one of us needs the other to be logical and grounded, the other steps up to that plate. We balance each other. I think Reed and Sue have or at least, had a lot of that. So I guess I can see myself relating us to them in that way."
FRASER: "Jack and the Beanstalk."
When was the last time you guys did something for the First time together?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "Probably about six years ago, when we shared a steady boyfriend; for a couple of years."
GREG: "Stumped. We’re routine oriented."
WILL: "Since we’re always together, everything we do for the first time is together....we finally got iPhones together!"
DAVID: "We are set in routines so we haven’t done 'new' things a lot recently."
PATRICK: "We try to keep having 'firsts' together as often as we can, even though we've been together almost 11 years. I guess that latest really 'big first' we had together was when we got married! LOL! But there are little 'firsts' here and there between that. We try for fun new firsts as often as we can."
FRASER: "Yesterday and last week and last month. All the time. We're actually asking ourselves when things will calm down all the time."
Are you Monogamous?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "No. Though we prefer to say we are not sexually exclusive. And we don't fuck around much anymore; mostly because we're in our 50s and not that many people want to fuck us anymore."
GREG: "Of late, mostly."
DAVID: "We are allowed to play. I probably should cut mine down a bit."
PATRICK: "Yes we are."
FRASER: "Yes. It's something we established very early on, and it lets us be completely free with what we try with each other."
What are the rules in playing with others?
CHOKLIT DADDY: " Keep it safe (don't be bringing home any STDs, please). Husband retains the power of the veto: if one of us is interested in having sex with another man, you ask the husband if it's okay; and it's the husband's right to say no it isn't – for any reason or no reason. What happens in another city when you're away from your husband, happened in another city (provided, of course, you don't be bringing home any STDs)."
WILL: "We used to have rules, but that just made things more complicated. As long as we end up together at the end of the day."
How do you keep the sex hot?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "Fortunately, I still find him very attractive physically, and vice-versa. And he knows where all my switches are; and (I believe) vice-versa. Sometimes we'll have porn playing on the TV, sometimes not."
GREG: "I try to keep a positive body image of myself."
WILL: "Make it a surprise and spontaneous and always try something new."
DAVID: "It has always been hot."
PATRICK: "Sometimes sex can be vanilla, other times it can be really naughty. We try to mix it up. Neither one is really afraid of pushing our sexual envelope."
FRASER: "The internet is so full of fun things to try! See it, like it, try it! :)"
How often do you have sex?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "Usually once a week. Saturday or Sunday. Except for vacations, when we usually have sex every day."
GREG: "At least once a week."
WILL: "Clearly, not nearly often enough for me!"
DAVID: "Every few months – I should probably make this more frequent; I get myself stuck in a routine that doesn’t include sex."
PATRICK: "That really depends on mood, how you feel, how much we've worked that day! LOL! We try to be as intimate with one another as often as possible. Often one of us will get the ball rolling, and it can often happen when you least expect to have sex! LOL! But that's the fun of it all. Spontaneity can be a real turn on."
FRASER: "Depends what else is going on. Twice a week to once every two weeks. That being said masturbation is 100% encouraged. We tend to see a LOT of porn throughout the each day. If we didn't let off steam, we'd either always be having sex, or always have blue balls."
What is your sexiest memory of your partner?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "The look of utter and complete bliss on his face as I enter him."
GREG: "When I first saw him naked."
WILL: "The apartment he had in D.C. had extremely sexy lighting and a bed hidden away behind a bamboo wall. At night time there was always a happy place for me. Then there was that one time in Brasil when David became a top....surprise!"
DAVID: "Bedding down during a hurricaine that hit Washington, D.C. years back."
PATRICK: "This is just one of my fondest 'sexiest memories' of him, mind you... but this one day I come home and Fraser has this great big smile on his face. He takes me upstairs and unveils this AWESOME massive kit of special order sounding toys that he'd gotten for us. I mean these things are FANTASTIC! We had a lot of fun with those – we still do in fact."
FRASER: "A private photo shoot in the garage. :) "
What advice would you give anyone in a new relationship?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "If you think he's The One, then don't be afraid to work at the relationship: relationships are not easy. Nothing of any value comes easily. If you seem to be the only one willing to work at it, then he's probably not The One."
GREG: "Learn to compromise and in times of trouble, remember why you got together in the first place."
WILL: "Enjoy your puppy love. It doesn’t last, but that doesn’t mean the best years together are over."
DAVID: "Be willing to compromise."
PATRICK: "Be honest, be yourself, and be sure that you trust the person you're with and that they can trust you... but above all, have respect for one another. These things keep partnerships strong and solid, and I think they're super vital to any love."
FRASER: "Listen, respect and kiss. Seek first to hear, then to be heard."
I gave these couples instructions to answer their questions separately and to go over their answers together after they each were done answering. They were then to answer these two questions:
Which of your partner's answers surprised you most?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "Guess Whos Coming To Dinner (clever …).
GREG: "No big surprises for me."
WILL: "None of the answers were a surprise. We can almost read each other’s minds at this point."
PATRICK: "None of them really. We really know one another super well by now! LOL!" FRASER: "Lust Question #1... Just kidding!"
Did you have sex after sharing your answers?
CHOKLIT DADDY: "No. Maybe a bit later in the day."
WILL: "David was laughing too histerically from the answers and then Lady and the Tramp came on TV, so no. We did not."
PATRICK: "We had sex before. After the questionnaire, we got back to setting up our new place! LOL!"I want to thank all three of the couples for sharing some of the goods on their relationships for both our entertainment and aide. Hopefully your experience and advice was useful to anyone on the fence about their current relationship and maybe motivated a slut somewhere to invest in something more meaningful - I know I'm now considering it HAHAHA!
FRASER: "Nope! Beforehand!"
Happy Valentines, Everybody!
(Please forgive the inconsistant formatting - Blogger is being a complete Bitch this week.)